Why do my staff not listen to what I’m telling them?
THE PROBLEM
In Part 1 we looked at the first two areas of communication problem listed below:
- Unrealistic expectations and assumptions;
- One way communication from all parties;
- Incomplete communications cycle;
- Incompatible language patterns;
- Emotional subtext.
In this article we will examine the other three and then we can look at some communications strategies that will ensure that you, as a manager will get the best results from your people.
Incomplete communications cycle
In the example in Part 1, Mike, the manager, did not follow a complete communication cycle. He told Rita/Beth what he wanted done but did ask for feedback. He did not establish whether Rita or Beth could see any problems with his plan and he did not confirm with Beth the details of how she was going to implement his changes. In the case of Rita, he did not complete his communications cycle by talking to the people in the shipping department and getting their input.
In my experience, a very high percentage of business problems are caused by incomplete communication cycles.
Incompatible language patterns
An obvious incompatible language pattern can occur when one of more people in a communication are speaking in a language that is not their first language. Their understanding of each other may be filtered through their incomplete understanding of each others’ words. The same occurs when the people communicating are of widely different education levels or when one or more of them uses a lot of slang words or jargon.
A deeper level of incompatibility can occur with what are referred to as language modalities. If you listen closely to how people talk you will notice that people will say the same thing in different ways for example:
“I don’t see how it can work.”
“That doesn’t sound right to me.”
“Something feels wrong about that.”
Some people use a lot of visual words: see what I mean, look at it this way, show me, etc. Others use auditory words: sounds good, I hear you, that’s clear as a bell, etc. Others use kinesthetic (feeling) words, it doesn’t feel right, how does that grab you, I can’t grasp what he is saying.
The modality that we favor, depends on how we primarily experience the world, visually, aurally or through our feelings. The fact of the matter is that most of us use all three modalities but tend to favor one, to a greater or lesser extent, over the others.
People who strongly favor different modalities often have a great deal of difficulty communicating.
(If this is an area that interests you I would recommend the book Frogs Into Princes by John Grinder and Richard Bandler.)
Emotional subtext
Communications are often impeded by emotional subtext. There are as many issues as are imaginable:
- One party is distracted thinking about the argument they had with their spouse/partner last night;
- One party is grieving a loss and can not concentrate;
- The parties dislike each other;
- The parties are in opposition politically;
- The parties are physically attracted to each other…
The list is pretty close to being infinite.
THE SOLUTION
To ensure a complete communications cycle:
- Make sure that all parties involved in any decision about change are part of the communication process;
- Make sure that everybody is encouraged to put forward their point of view;
- Create an atmosphere in which people are respectful of other people’s ideas. This starts with you. If you are respectful of everyone’s ideas – even if you disagree with them – then others will follow suit;
- When coming to decisions make sure that everyone who is part of that decision gets to express the decision in their own words;
- Watch carefully for body language that indicates suppressed disagreement and ask the person involved to express their opinion;
- Attempt to reach consensus rather than either forcing your own decision on people or putting the decision to a vote. Either tactic creates winners and losers. Watch out for a future blog post on Reaching Consensus.
To deal with incompatible language patterns:
- When communicating with someone whose language skills are poor, make sure that you:
- use short, clear, common words and phrases;
- speak clearly, a little more slowly and avoid too much slang;
- avoid talking loudly – it does not increase clarity;
- get the other person to describe any agreement or decision in their own words;
- Listen to how people say things, do they use visual, auditory or feeling words? Modify your own speech patterns to match theirs. This is not easy to do but if you can achieve it, it will pay dividends.
To reduce the impact of emotional subtext:
- Be empathetic. We are emotion-driven creatures who make most of our decisions based on how we feel. For example, most interviewers make the hiring decision within the first thirty seconds of meeting a candidate – this is not based on any logic but just on how the interviewer feels (often with disastrous consequences);
- Be considerate of people’s emotions and be prepared to delay communication until they are feeling better;
- When communicating with political rivals, rely on logic and make sure that they come to an agreement. There is an interesting story about Thomas Watson, the founder of IBM. He is said to have locked two political rivals in a conference room and refused to let them out until they reached an agreement on some matter. They lasted through lunch and well into the afternoon but when they realized that he would leave them there all night, if he had to, they quickly came to an agreement;
- Do everything you can to avoid political rivalries, even if it means terminating one of the parties;
- Do not tolerate rudeness, personal attacks or snide remarks;
- Always be sensitive to the emotional subtext that is part of every communication.
Remember, the meaning of your communication is the response you get. If you are not getting the results you expected, it is up to you to change your communication style.
Having a team that works well together and communicates effectively all starts with hiring the right people. That is easier said than done but if you want to manage that sort of team you can start by clicking here.
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