Why do my staff not listen to what I’m telling them?

THE PROBLEM

In Part 1 we looked at the first two areas of communication problem listed below:

  • Unrealistic expectations and assumptions;
  • One way communication from all parties;
  • Incomplete communications cycle;
  • Incompatible language patterns;
  • Emotional subtext.

In this article we will examine the other three and then we can look at some communications strategies that will ensure that you, as a manager will get the best results from your people.

Incomplete communications cycle

In the example in Part 1, Mike, the manager, did not follow a complete communication cycle. He told Rita/Beth what he wanted done but did ask for feedback. He did not establish whether Rita or Beth could see any problems with his plan and he did not confirm with Beth the details of how she was going to implement his changes. In the case of Rita, he did not complete his communications cycle by talking to the people in the shipping department and getting their input.

In my experience, a very high percentage of business problems are caused by incomplete communication cycles.

Incompatible language patterns

An obvious incompatible language pattern can occur when one of more people in a communication are speaking in a language that is not their first language. Their understanding of each other may be filtered through their incomplete understanding of each others’ words. The same occurs when the people communicating are of widely different education levels or when one or more of them uses a lot of slang words or jargon.

A deeper level of incompatibility can occur with what are referred to as language modalities. If you listen closely to how people talk you will notice that people will say the same thing in different ways for example:

“I don’t see how it can work.”
“That doesn’t sound right to me.”
“Something feels wrong about that.”

Some people use a lot of visual words: see what I mean, look at it this way, show me, etc. Others use auditory words: sounds good, I hear you, that’s clear as a bell, etc. Others use kinesthetic (feeling) words, it doesn’t feel right, how does that grab you, I can’t grasp what he is saying.

The modality that we favor, depends on how we primarily experience the world, visually, aurally or through our feelings. The fact of the matter is that most of us use all three modalities but tend to favor one, to a greater or lesser extent, over the others.

People who strongly favor different modalities often have a great deal of difficulty communicating.

(If this is an area that interests you I would recommend the book Frogs Into Princes by John Grinder and Richard Bandler.)

Emotional subtext

Communications are often impeded by emotional subtext. There are as many issues as are imaginable:

  • One party is distracted thinking about the argument they had with their spouse/partner last night;
  • One party is grieving a loss and can not concentrate;
  • The parties dislike each other;
  • The parties are in opposition politically;
  • The parties are physically attracted to each other…

The list is pretty close to being infinite.

THE SOLUTION

To ensure a complete communications cycle:

  • Make sure that all parties involved in any decision about change are part of the communication process;
  • Make sure that everybody is encouraged to put forward their point of view;
  • Create an atmosphere in which people are respectful of other people’s ideas. This starts with you. If you are respectful of everyone’s ideas – even if you disagree with them – then others will follow suit;
  • When coming to decisions make sure that everyone who is part of that decision gets to express the decision in their own words;
  • Watch carefully for body language that indicates suppressed disagreement and ask the person involved to express their opinion;
  • Attempt to reach consensus rather than either forcing your own decision on people or putting the decision to a vote. Either tactic creates winners and losers. Watch out for a future blog post on Reaching Consensus.

To deal with incompatible language patterns:

  • When communicating with someone whose language skills are poor, make sure that you:
    • use short, clear, common words and phrases;
    • speak clearly, a little more slowly and avoid too much slang;
    • avoid talking loudly – it does not increase clarity;
    • get the other person to describe any agreement or decision in their own words;
  • Listen to how people say things, do they use visual, auditory or feeling words? Modify your own speech patterns to match theirs. This is not easy to do but if you can achieve it, it will pay dividends.

To reduce the impact of emotional subtext:

  • Be empathetic. We are emotion-driven creatures who make most of our decisions based on how we feel. For example, most interviewers make the hiring decision within the first thirty seconds of meeting a candidate – this is not based on any logic but just on how the interviewer feels (often with disastrous consequences);
  • Be considerate of people’s emotions and be prepared to delay communication until they are feeling better;
  • When communicating with political rivals, rely on logic and make sure that they come to an agreement. There is an interesting story about Thomas Watson, the founder of IBM. He is said to have locked two political rivals in a conference room and refused to let them out until they reached an agreement on some matter. They lasted through lunch and well into the afternoon but when they realized that he would leave them there all night, if he had to, they quickly came to an agreement;
  • Do everything you can to avoid political rivalries, even if it means terminating one of the parties;
  • Do not tolerate rudeness, personal attacks or snide remarks;
  • Always be sensitive to the emotional subtext that is part of every communication.

Remember, the meaning of your communication is the response you get. If you are not getting the results you expected, it is up to you to change your communication style.

Having a team that works well together and communicates effectively all starts with hiring the right people. That is easier said than done but if you want to manage that sort of team you can start by clicking here.

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Why do my staff not listen to what I’m telling them?

THE PROBLEM

Entrepreneurs and managers frequently have difficulty communicating with their employees. This often manifests itself in questions like “Why do my staff not listen to what I’m telling them?” “Why was this done wrongly… again?” “Why can’t my people take the initiative and just get the job done?” “Why can’t my people think more like businesspeople?”

At the heart of problems like these is a breakdown in communication and it can be from a variety of causes:

  • Unrealistic expectations and assumptions;
  • One way communication from all parties;
  • Incomplete communications cycle;
  • Incompatible language patterns;
  • Emotional subtext.

In this blog entry we will examine the first two causes and then we can look at some communications strategies that will ensure that you, as a manager will get the best results from your people.

Unrealistic expectations and assumptions

These can come from both sides of a communication and can be unrealistic in either direction. Let me give you some examples.

Manager with a too high expectation

Joe is a manager in a manufacturing plant and he has worked there for  fifteen years. He wants his newly hired foreman, Alvin, to make some changes to the set up of the most complex machine in the plant. Joe sits down with Alvin and quickly goes through what he needs done, with the expectation that Alvin will understand everything and that if he doesn’t, he will question Joe about the task.

Joe’s expectation is unrealistic because (i) Alvin is new there and may be unfamiliar with this type of machine and (ii) if Alvin has questions, he may be inhibited from asking them because he is new and does not want to create the impression that does not understand, which is a fairly normal human reaction. Or Alvin may be familiar with a similar machine and he just assumes that the plant’s machine is the same.

Either way, the end result is likely to be that the set up is not done the way Joe intended.

Manager with too low expectation

Janice is a project manager in a software company, she came up through the ranks, starting as a programmer and then quickly being promoted to designer and then software architect. The project she is managing is critical to her company. She gives the people on the project very detailed step by step instructions on how she wants each task done.

This may seem like a good communication approach: everyone knows exactly want is required of them, right? However, Janice is forgetting the fragility of the human ego; she is, in fact, communicating to her team members that message that she does not trust them to think for themselves. This will create friction and resistance from her team members and may result in some negative outcomes. For example, Dave knows that the instructions she has given him are wrong because doing it her way will cause the software to operate slowly. But Dave feels undervalued by her and so he does it her way just so that he can prove her wrong later. Perhaps this is an immature reaction by Dave but it is not unusual.

Employee with too high expectations

Rita has worked in the warehouse of an auto parts distribution company for five years. Her new boss, Mike, is out to make his mark by reducing lead times. He wants some reorganization of the way in which orders are picked from the shelves. He sits down with Rita and gives her details of what he wants done. Rita understands his instructions but she has a strong feeling that what he wants done will cause some problems for the shipping department. She knows that Mike is a very smart guy and she expects that he knows what he is doing and that he has cleared the changes with the shipping department. Rita is the type of person who respects her boss’s authority and so she just doesn’t question Mike’s instructions.

Rita’s intuition was right and the changes, rather than reducing lead times, increase them. In the post mortem meeting Rita points out the flaw in Mike’s approach and he wonders why she didn’t say something before.

Employee with too low expectations

Let’s look at the previous example from another point of view. Instead of dealing with Rita, Mike is dealing with Beth. Beth is an experienced employee who has seen one manager after another make changes most of which have been ineffective. She has a low expectation of management. She has the same intuition as Rita so when Beth executes Mike’s instructions, she makes a couple of very sensible changes of her own that will eliminate the potential problem in the shipping department. Unfortunately, she doesn’t know (and Mike omitted to tell her) that he has also asked the shipping department to make changes to match the changes in the picking operation.

Beth’s changes to Mike’s instructions now cause a major problem when the goods arrive in shipping.

One way communication from all parties

This is the classic communication problem: “I talk and you listen.” Just sit in any meeting and you hear this communication approach endlessly. It can come from the manager and it can come from the employee. Either way it is a big problem. People are not really listening to what the other person says but are eagerly putting in their ten cents worth.

One way in which you can spot this happening is when Fred is talking about something and Bill eagerly interrupts with, “In my old company we—” but Fred continues talking and makes some additional important points. When he has finished, Bill says exactly the same words as before, “In my old company we—” This is a pretty strong indication that Bill has not been actively listening to what Fred was saying and has not heard Fred’s additional points; Bill was just biding his time to make the same point that he was going to make before Fred added the new information.

Communication can only happen when both parties are listening, understanding and reacting to each others’ words.

THE SOLUTION

The meaning of your communication is the response you get – John Grinder and Richard Bandler.

You, as the entrepreneur and/or manager have to take responsibility for communication in your organization. If you communicate something to your staff and it doesn’t get the desired result, you failed in the communication. You carry the can.

It is very easy to say, “But I explained it well, they just didn’t follow my instructions.” If that is the case, you still bear the responsibility; your boss, shareholders or investors will hold you responsible.

Here are some strategies for ensuring that the type of problems described above do not happen to you.

Respect

Communication must come from a place of mutual respect. You always need to be earning your employee’s respect. One way to do this is for you to be respectful of them; respectful of their knowledge and experience or of their hard work. Be respectful when assigning tasks: if they are experienced, get their input; if they are inexperienced be considerate.

Give context

Do not just assign tasks to people. Let them know the bigger picture; let them know what you are trying to achieve and why. Ask their input and listen very carefully; often they will have suggestions that are better than your own ideas. Agree each task with them by making sure that you both explain the details of the task to each other, each in your own words. Always ask if they can see any problems with the task and encourage them to come and see you if they encounter problems as they go along.

Be sensitive to the individual

If, like Rita in the example above they are deferential to people in authority, encourage them to question your ideas. If they are like Beth, who does not have a great respect for authority, make sure that you are both in agreement with the task and make sure that she knows that you are prepared to change the task if she has good reasons why it won’t work.

Listen like a hawk

Listen very carefully to everything your employees say and listen with an open mind. Listen with your ears and your eyes. Watch for clues in their expression, body language or tone of voice that they do not understand or do not agree. If you spot something or if your intuition is bothering you, then clarify with the employee. “You look like you don’t agree, Jim.” “I get the feeling that you think it won’t work, Mary.” Probe until you get clarity.

In the next post we will discuss the other three areas of communication breakdown: incomplete communications cycle, incompatible language patterns and emotional subtext.

Being able to communicate with employees is a key element in the hiring process. To make sure you always hire people with whom you can communicate well, click here.

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